The child does not obey: what to do
Psychologist Elena Makarenko will teach us how to behave in such a way that the children obey, like a wave of a magic wand.
Many parents ask the question: "How to make the child obedient, and at the same time there was no conflict?". I think all parents dream of such a thing. This, of course, is the most difficult and delicate task of education. Indeed, it depends on the way it is resolved whether the child will grow up happy and responsible or not.
there isfew rulesthat help to establish and maintain conflict-free obedience in the family.
1. Rules (restrictions, requirements, prohibitions) must necessarily be in the life of everyone, but they should not be too many, and they must be flexible.
There are two extremes in parenting, where parents allow absolutely everything, just so as not to upset children and avoid conflicts with them. As a result, children grow up selfish, not able to organize themselves. The second extreme, where a complete ban and restrictions. Relationships are built on fear and submission. It is very important to choose a middle ground in your actions and demands.Bans should definitely be, but minimal, and only on what threatens the health and life of the child.
The less age of the child, the less should be the prohibitions. Otherwise they will not work at all. As they mature, requirements and restrictions change, both in qualitative and quantitative terms.
2. Parental requirements should not be in clear contradiction with the most important needs of the child.
For example, parents are often annoyed by the "excessive" activity of children: why do they have to run so much, jump, play noisily, climb trees, throw stones, draw on anything, grab everything, open, disassemble? ..
The answer is simple: all this and much more is a manifestation of the needs for movement, cognition and exercise that are natural and very important for the development of children. They are much more than us, adults, need to move, explore objects, try our strength. To prohibit such actions is the same as trying to block a deep river. It is better to take care of directing its flow to a convenient and safe channel.
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3. Rules (restrictions, requirements, prohibitions) should be agreed upon by adults.
Do you know when mom says one thing, dad says another, and grandma says third.In this situation, the child can not learn the rules, get used to the discipline. He gets used to seeking his, using adults. Relationships between adult family members do not get any better.
Even if one parent does not agree with the demand of the other, it is better to remain silent at that moment, and then, without the child, to discuss the disagreement and try to come to a common opinion.
4. The tone in which the demand or prohibition is communicated should be more friendly and explanatory than imperative.
Any prohibition of the desired for the child is difficult, and if it is pronounced in an angry or domineering tone, it becomes doubly difficult.
The explanation should be short, and repeated once. If the child again asks: "Why?", It is not because he did not understand you, but because it is difficult for him to overcome his desire. It is better to build the sentence in which you speak about the rule in an impersonal form. For example, it is worth saying: “They do not play with matches”, instead of: “Do not dare to play with matches!”.
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5. It is better to punish a child by depriving him of good, than by making him bad.
For example: in a family, it’s customary that on weekends father goes fishing with his son, or mother bakes his favorite cake, or all go for a walk together ...
Of course you know thatchildren appreciate family traditions. When a parent gives them special attention, and with him it is interesting - this is a real holiday for the child.
However, if disobedience or misconduct occurs, the “holiday” on this day or this week is canceled.
Is it a punishment? Of course, quite tangible! And most importantly - not offensive and not offensive. After all, children feel good justice, and this is true when the parent does not give them their time, because they are upset or angry.
What is the practical conclusion?Probably, he is already clear: you need to have a stock of large and small holidays. Come up with a few lessons with a child or several family affairs, traditions that will create a zone of joy. Make some of these activities or activities regular, so that the child waits for them and knows that they will come, unless he does something very bad. Cancel them only if there was a misdemeanor, really tangible, and you are really upset.However, do not threaten them with cancellation by trifles.