Girls can not be offended? How to educate a good boy and not break his psyche
The phrase "girls can not be offended," parents are telling sons from the cradle. Of course, from the best motives: otherwise how to educate the boy kind and sensitive? But the advice of psychologists in matters of parenting agree on one thing: a categorical ban on “It’s impossible to offend girls!” In the future may seriously haunt both an adult boy and girls with whom fate will bring him.
How to properly educate a boy so that the chivalrous qualities do not break his psyche and cause problems?
Is there something wrong with girls? How to build a relationship of boys and girls
Emphasized equality - that's what the relations of the sexes are built on today. Girls often do not concede to boys both in physical strength and in the ability to press psychologically. Boys do not see a logical reason why they should not respond to aggression from the girl.Subconsciously, they think out this reason themselves.
Suppose you came to visit a friend, and they say: “Listen, there will be my friend Pavlik. You can not offend him. " What do you think about Pavlik? Either that he is an aggressive neurasthenic who can break at any moment (that is, Pavlik is dangerous), or he is completely helpless and unable to stand up for himself.
These are not conscious conclusions, the child's brain absorbs and analyzes information in the background.
You are trying to tell the children to be kind, but in fact you inspire: “Girls are not like boys. They are either dangerous or helpless and confused. It is better not to touch them. "
Such upbringing of boys with age turns into either male chauvinism or a fear of starting relationships with women.
How to raise a boy: do not untie the hands of cruel girls
The relationship of boys and girls in adolescence and youth is full of similar situations:
“She tells me nasty things, puts pressure on all pain points, deliberately provokes, but I am silent and clench my fists. I can not hit a woman. And she sees and uses it. ”
Beating people is an extreme method, without separation by gender.But the ability to show healthy aggression solves many psychological problems and normalizes many relationships.
Yes, most women will not be able to adequately give change. But this does not deprive them of the ability to brutally manipulate the male psyche. And the man’s ability to self-defense was stopped in the sandbox: “Do not touch her, she’s a girl!”
If not for this, many cruel girls, inclined to manipulation and emotional provocations of a woman would behave much more restrained. Just because they would know that for such tricks you can and get.
Man’s ability to protect his emotional space and domestic abuse are two different things. Adequate husbands do not beat their wives not because they were told in their childhood, but because they know how to solve conflicts differently. Inadequate, children's prohibitions do not stop at all.
Psychologist's advice: do not put the boys in the "box of masculinity"
Tony Porter, a leading specialist in the fight against violence against women, tells us how the culture of masculinity is twisted. To the man presented a lot of requirements. One of them is absolute, almost superhuman resilience.
Are you going to tell the children that “girls can't be hurt”? Consider that in mind this phrase goes on: “and boys — it is possible.” Next comes "the boys do not cry." But these phrases are very far from how to properly educate a boy. This is an attempt to grow an “iron man” who endures everything, never gets upset, shows no emotions and does not have vulnerabilities. Someone else after that wonders why men die earlier?
From childhood we put the boy in the "box of masculinity." And surprised when a calm, polite and patient guy once takes a rifle and kills 20 people. Daily stress without the right to defend oneself, because the abuser is a person of the opposite sex, can seriously cripple the psyche.
How to properly educate a boy: good news
There are many alternatives in raising children and in building relationships between boys and girls.
Not "You can not beat girls!", And "Do not beat the girl if she does not beat you." Not because the girl is weaker, but because the first attack is not fair. Show this difference, this balance.
"Do not hurt others if they do not offend you."
"Do not laugh at others for not being like you."
"Solve disputes with words, not with fists."
The child's mind is very flexible and curious. All that you have time to tell the children will remain there for life. Do not try to simplify the explanation. “You can't offend girls” is a typical example of simplification, which does not take into account the whole variety of situations. Justice and tact are very subtle things in raising a child, so explain, chew, go into details. Let not immediately, but after many years, but you will definitely see the fruits of your efforts.